Never Fight With Your Spouse Again –
for the rest of your life?
Is it really possible to never ever fight with your spouse again?
How could that be when it’s such a common occurrence? Couples fight. A lot.
You’ve heard the war stories, been pulled into the drama couples tell
about the fights they have. Maybe you’ve even been the one telling the story.
When you fight with your spouse …
Words are screamed. Tears fall. Anger builds. Distance grows.
And then, hopefully, but not always … apologies start to soothe and restore.
Soon, you’re hugging and kissing and having make-up sex.
And all is good again, except …
Except you’ve just put your mind, body and spirit through HELL,
as well as your spouse.
Your stress levels increased and the effects of stress took its cascading toll
on you; in fact, the stress can kill you.
Researchers found that healthy people who are often angry or hostile
are 19% more likely than calmer people to get heart disease.
Anything that you can do to reduce stress in your life (including never fight
with your spouse again) is life-saving.
A study, out of the University of Cogenhagen, followed almost 10,000 people,
aged 36-52, for 11 years. The researchers asked them about their social
relationships, paying special attention to which of the people in their lives
tended to be linked with the most arguments. Over the course of the study,
196 women and 226 men died. About half of the deaths were due to cancer,
and the other half from heart disease, accidents, and suicides.
People who reported more arguing with their spouses or children were
50% to 100% more likely to die from any cause at all. Those who reported
frequent arguing with anyone in their social circle – including friends, relatives,
and neighbors – were two to three times more likely to die over the next decade.
Bruce and I have had relatively few arguments in our ten years together. But, those
few left us drained and emotionally spent. And although the make-up sex was fantastic
and we were always able to forgive and get back to a loving and happy state of bliss, we
began to ask, “What the heck are we doing, putting ourselves through such agonizing
moments of damage?” Damage to our bodies, our relationship, our happiness, our well-being.
We wanted to find a way to address an argument without allowing it to escalate to unhealthy
stress levels. We wanted a way to communicate and share openly without raising our voices
and carving wounds in our relationship … wounds that leave scars.
We knew we had to do something different because we hated going down this dark hole of
negative energy that can diminish and destroy even a relationship as beautiful as ours. We had
to find a way to protect and strengthen our relationship rather than chop away at it bit by bit
with each argument.
What we came up with, after one especially frustrating and heated argument, is simple,
somewhat provocative and daring, but it works beautifully and powerfully to help you to
never fight with your spouse again.
This is The Naked Hippies Way that promotes quiet,
It works! You’ll never fight with your spouse again. But, you have to be willing to be
Here’s what we do.
At the moment our conversation begins to turn into an argument, we stop talking
about it. We crawl into our bed, completely naked and lay facing each other, skin to skin.
Then, the rule is that we can say whatever we want to say as long as our noses are touching.
Why get naked? Why touch noses?
Being completely naked creates a way for ultimate touching. Your skin is your body’s biggest organ
and it responds to touch in a way that opens communication.
Research shows that touch can communicate multiple positive emotions: joy, love, gratitude,
and sympathy. Scientists used to believe touching was simply a means of enhancing messages
signaled through speech or body language. But it seems instead that touch is a much more nuanced,
sophisticated, and precise way to communicate emotions.
It may also increase the speed of communication: “If you’re close enough to touch, it’s often the
easiest way to signal something,” says Laura Guerrero, coauthor of Close Encounters: Communication
in Relationships, who researches nonverbal and emotional communication at Arizona State University.
This immediacy is particularly noteworthy when it comes to bonding. “We feel more connected to
someone if they touch us,” Guerrero notes.
This nose-to-nose solution is not the usual “in-your-face” moment that often erupts during
an argument. It’s on-your-face, in-you-space immersion.
It’s impossible to yell at someone when your nose is pressed up against theirs.
It’s impossible to take in a deep breath and raise your voice when your noses are touching.
Your conversation is quieter and calmer.
In fact, the argument usually ends quickly as each partner realizes how ridiculous, irrational
and silly they sound with their noses pressed together, their eyes locked and their bodies
experiencing skin to skin contact. All the shit just falls away and you fall in love with your
partner again. (Cue make-up sex now!)
Before you brush this solution off as a quirky Naked Hippies Way, let me ask you …
How valuable is your relationship with your spouse?
How have all your arguments left you feeling?
How would you like to never fight with your spouse again?
The next time an argument begins to show its ugly face, try this. Give it a shot.
It is certainly lots cheaper than marriage counseling!
Now, let me give you one more suggestion. We do this often to reconnect and
reassure each other of our love.
We do this when we feel we’re being pulled apart by the busyness of taking
care of our business. When we realize we’ve been so focused on the to-do lists
and less focused on doing for each other.
Again, we crawl into bed, completely naked and lay as close to each other, one body touching as much of the other body as possible … arms entwined, legs entangled, heads nestled into shoulder. We just lay there. No talking, no sex, nothing but breathing in the essence of each other, melting one into the other until it feels like there is just one of us. There is no greater feeling than this. It is so spiritually powerful.
Since 2010, we have been living and working and traveling in a pick-up camper where
we are within arms’ reach of each other almost 24/7. Many speculated that our marriage
would never survive such a close encounter living space.
It’s been over six years and we still feel and act like we’re on our honeymoon. I can’t
remember the last time we argued.
Could it be that one nose-to-nose argument as I have suggested, along with regular
intervals of just reconnecting as described above has been the reason? I think so.
Now, it’s up to you to decide if you’ll never fight with your spouse again,
using The Naked Hippies Way.
Let me know how it works for you. I’d love to hear!